Sure, all of us at one time, and I'm speaking to writers specifically, have written that little nugget of joy that puts a smile on our face. We look at the clock, see it's 1:00AM and go to bed proud. We may even send it off to a critique partner, a friendly writer, or a spouse or sibling.
Desperately we are wondering if they love it too, and how it will fair in once our words hit their minds. If you're anything like me, you are hoping they'll gush, tell you that you're next in line for a Hugo and how wonderful you are.
If you're like me, when they tell you that they found a few mistakes, and that some of the word choices conflicted, or that they thought there needed to be a bigger build up, more description, or other little nitpicks, you have at least at one point wondered how they couldn't see how brilliant you were.
I mean, there were subtleties that wouldn't be apparent for 30 chapters, dialogue that had secret hidden meanings, and obscure words found 3 pages deep on thesaurus.com
One of the hardest parts of being a writer is learning how to take feedback. Sometimes, the reader is flat out wrong. Not everybody likes every genre, every style, POV, or any of the various things that set books apart. However, themes should be something to watch out for. If you are hearing the same thing over and over, it may mean that you need to check out your little darlings with a critical eye.
You are not married to a scene. Very few authors want to publish a line of dialogue. The story is important, and while you must stay true to it or it can cause you immeasurable grief in things like tears, lost sleep and stress, you need to look at the picture from a different perspective. Don't argue. This is the truth from their perspective. Thank them for the feedback.
I have false started my current novel at least five times, perhaps more. I am going on a pace of about 8000 words per week, and meeting or exceeding that goal every week if only by sheer will and the fact that through the thoughtful critique of my trusted friends, family and peers, I can now see things with a different set of eyes and find the things that are not working, or when I do miss them, find the way to listen to them and fix the problems without putting my own value on every word in my manuscript.
The last thing I'll leave you with is this. When getting feedback from a loved one, don't be confrontational. Many times they are only trying to express themselves in ways that make sense to them. Take the pain with the love and make yourself a better writer as a result.
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